Jan 6th, Magic Pants Day
My friend owns a store. A clothing store. But it's much more than that. Her shop is to life and wine and conversation what the Gap is to...oh, well, too much wine to even make a connection, let alone a similie!
Anyway, I ran into her getting a coffee at the shop owned by the Czech next door (this ethnic identification will become slightly important later in this item...maybe). She was wearing fuzzy black mules, a red synthetic slip and a red t shirt with the white crescent of Russia peaking above the neckline (is it still called Russia? I haven't listened to the news today.) She put my coffee on her tab as I had no cash and we sat down at the back of her clothing emporium to chat. Wonderfully, there was a local celebrity writer there, the only male in this one donkey town who knows how to and actually enjoys flirting. And so we did. He almost bought a coat and when he was done it was my turn.
She, understanding my weak financial situation, pointed me toward the "Free Box". Yes, people you can actually get free clothing here in this World Class City. And thank God for that or I'd still be wearing the same shirt I wore for my high school graduation picture. Anyway, once I'd come down from the high I started trying my booty on. A stylish grey silk sheath worthy of a film awards event, a light rain coat, and a good black shirt; everyone needs at least one good black shirt. And then the magic began.
As I was re-dressing I asked if she had any Levi 501's. Moments later a pair of "oh these make my ass too big and so I'll never wear them again" jeans were tossed under the curtain. THEY FIT ME PERFECTLY. Any women reading this will know that this phenomonon is on a scale akin to the parting of the Red Sea, Sara and Abraham and the Flood - Yes all old testament stories shared by the Jews and Christians alike, which tells you of its earth shaking import in the life story of the Planet. THEY FIT ME PERFECTLY. It bears repeating. And did I mention booty? Well mine looked FINE. Everybody who came in the store agreed.
Then, I became bold in the spirit of Goethe, and asked for leather pants for riding my motorbike. Moments later, more Manna. Straight from the '60's, she assured me. I didn't care, as I slide on the perfect pair of black leather jeans with zippers up the inside of the legs for those hot days of cafe racing. Enough goodness I thought. And then, "Buy 2, get the third one FREE!'. Well now she was talking prophesy. Now she was offering Good that challenged my sense of Deserving. Could I accept so much Prosperity in one sitting? Did I have the right? How wide could I open my arms to receive the Bounty of the World?
I had to sit down. And have a sip of the free flowing wine that had magically arrived. More? MORE? MOOOOOOORE? But what could I possibly need?
I rose and began to scout the racks. A skirt? Leather, even. No. A tight fitting little '50's sweater? Maybe....nah. And then, inches from where I'd been imbibing, there it was. In all it's vintage glory. Worn, perfectly. Black patina. Soft, but with an appropriate weight. A midi black leather Trench. All eyes fixed upon me as I reached for this latest find. F gasped in envy and admiration. B sighed, "Another miracle accomplished effortlessly." J just looked, she could feel the magnitude of the evening and sat in the wondrousness of the vibe, an accomplished sales clerk observing a master at work.
My hands stroke the thick cool skin. I pulled it expertly off the hanger and onto my shoulders in one fell swoop. Like an eagle landing home after a long flight. "OOooooh," all expelled. It fit Perfectly. F - "it's like it's been yours all along" 'hmmmmmm," I murmered, high on the gloriousness of it all. J just smiled and poured more wine. And B beamed, adding it all up, deducting the discount, and reeling in the gyspy glory of it all.
All in all; $135.00 for 8 pieces of clothing.
I don't know which of us came out ahead.
But new jeans, well, THEY FIT ME PERFECTLY.
And my ass looks like a million bucks!
That German isn't going to know what hit him.
Anyway, I ran into her getting a coffee at the shop owned by the Czech next door (this ethnic identification will become slightly important later in this item...maybe). She was wearing fuzzy black mules, a red synthetic slip and a red t shirt with the white crescent of Russia peaking above the neckline (is it still called Russia? I haven't listened to the news today.) She put my coffee on her tab as I had no cash and we sat down at the back of her clothing emporium to chat. Wonderfully, there was a local celebrity writer there, the only male in this one donkey town who knows how to and actually enjoys flirting. And so we did. He almost bought a coat and when he was done it was my turn.
She, understanding my weak financial situation, pointed me toward the "Free Box". Yes, people you can actually get free clothing here in this World Class City. And thank God for that or I'd still be wearing the same shirt I wore for my high school graduation picture. Anyway, once I'd come down from the high I started trying my booty on. A stylish grey silk sheath worthy of a film awards event, a light rain coat, and a good black shirt; everyone needs at least one good black shirt. And then the magic began.
As I was re-dressing I asked if she had any Levi 501's. Moments later a pair of "oh these make my ass too big and so I'll never wear them again" jeans were tossed under the curtain. THEY FIT ME PERFECTLY. Any women reading this will know that this phenomonon is on a scale akin to the parting of the Red Sea, Sara and Abraham and the Flood - Yes all old testament stories shared by the Jews and Christians alike, which tells you of its earth shaking import in the life story of the Planet. THEY FIT ME PERFECTLY. It bears repeating. And did I mention booty? Well mine looked FINE. Everybody who came in the store agreed.
Then, I became bold in the spirit of Goethe, and asked for leather pants for riding my motorbike. Moments later, more Manna. Straight from the '60's, she assured me. I didn't care, as I slide on the perfect pair of black leather jeans with zippers up the inside of the legs for those hot days of cafe racing. Enough goodness I thought. And then, "Buy 2, get the third one FREE!'. Well now she was talking prophesy. Now she was offering Good that challenged my sense of Deserving. Could I accept so much Prosperity in one sitting? Did I have the right? How wide could I open my arms to receive the Bounty of the World?
I had to sit down. And have a sip of the free flowing wine that had magically arrived. More? MORE? MOOOOOOORE? But what could I possibly need?
I rose and began to scout the racks. A skirt? Leather, even. No. A tight fitting little '50's sweater? Maybe....nah. And then, inches from where I'd been imbibing, there it was. In all it's vintage glory. Worn, perfectly. Black patina. Soft, but with an appropriate weight. A midi black leather Trench. All eyes fixed upon me as I reached for this latest find. F gasped in envy and admiration. B sighed, "Another miracle accomplished effortlessly." J just looked, she could feel the magnitude of the evening and sat in the wondrousness of the vibe, an accomplished sales clerk observing a master at work.
My hands stroke the thick cool skin. I pulled it expertly off the hanger and onto my shoulders in one fell swoop. Like an eagle landing home after a long flight. "OOooooh," all expelled. It fit Perfectly. F - "it's like it's been yours all along" 'hmmmmmm," I murmered, high on the gloriousness of it all. J just smiled and poured more wine. And B beamed, adding it all up, deducting the discount, and reeling in the gyspy glory of it all.
All in all; $135.00 for 8 pieces of clothing.
I don't know which of us came out ahead.
But new jeans, well, THEY FIT ME PERFECTLY.
And my ass looks like a million bucks!
That German isn't going to know what hit him.
posted by iorchid at 1:04 AM
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